February 2010
133 posts
REBLOG IF you love when you're trying to tell a...
inaperfectday:
(via idothattoo)
January 2010
126 posts
January 26, 2010
rhib1234567890: why D8
jOnette xD: cause of everything ):
rhib1234567890: what's everything? D8 *hugs*
jOnette xD: well .......
rhib1234567890: ohhhh =/
jOnette xD: i just miss things thats all.
jOnette xD: its like..there's nothing to feel anymore or something.
rhib1234567890: nothingt o feel?
jOnette xD: i have to make an effort to be happy or something.
rhib1234567890: ...
rhib1234567890: like you're in a room with your friends
rhib1234567890: and you're like
rhib1234567890: i should be having fun right now
rhib1234567890: i know normally i would say THIS and do THIS and THIS is how i would act
rhib1234567890: but... why?
rhib1234567890: i dont feel happy for some reason...
jOnette xD: yeah something like that.
rhib1234567890: i'm just HERE. i could easily be NOT HERE.
rhib1234567890: ...
rhib1234567890: that's like.
rhib1234567890: exactly what ben described to me last monday. and. exactly how i've been feeling...
rhib1234567890: like, distant from everything. or something. like ia hve to make a conscious effort to be MYSELF.
jOnette xD: >__<
rhib1234567890: like i dont know who MYSELF is anymore.
rhib1234567890: does that sound about right?
jOnette xD: me neither
jOnette xD: yeah
jOnette xD: just right.
rhib1234567890: like you dont know why you do the things you do, anymore...
jOnette xD: yeah
rhib1234567890: other than that's what you do.
jOnette xD: pretty much.
rhib1234567890: that's so crazy... that's just exactly what ben said. and somehow i could relate exactly. but it's such a hard thing to describe to someone else, you know?
jOnette xD: yeah
jOnette xD: it is
rhib1234567890: it's like today in the band room how i was just kinda chilling behind the piano instead of being with you guys. the piano was more interesting. i wanted to play. i had no interest in trying to be social... and i shuold have.
jOnette xD: i wouldve described it as there isnt really anything much to look forward to anymore
jOnette xD: other than.. its just a same old routine.. same old emotionless feelings you'd feel everyday.
jOnette xD: thats it. i feel.. emotionless.
rhib1234567890: it's crazy... i totally understand what you're saying.
rhib1234567890: even all the stress at home, it's the same old same old.
jOnette xD: yeah >_<
rhib1234567890: i cant even get properly upset at my mom. like, i just sigh and listen, resigned, totally used to her temper, waiting for when she apologizes, it's like clockwork...
rhib1234567890: we need some excitement. i think we're done with high school. i wonder if that's what it is. like, we're ready to get OUT THERE and do new things. ben was saying he thinks maybe that might have something to do with it for him... like, he wants to move out. he mentioned that in his letter, you know?
jOnette xD: yeah
jOnette xD: its like something was definitely taken away from us..
jOnette xD: and i think we know what's been taken away..and its like idk. we cant have it. and so we feel emotionless and we cant do anything about it.
rhib1234567890: i think i know what you mean, what's been taken away, is it what i'm thinking?
jOnette xD: mhm
rhib1234567890: yeah. -_- i think that's such a contributor. wouldn't that just make things more exciting and interesting?
rhib1234567890: it feels like that would make things happy again o-o
jOnette xD: yeah
jOnette xD: sort of. but then again we dont exactly need them to be happy.
jOnette xD: but its hard to get on sort of.
rhib1234567890: yeah, i'd agree with that. like it's easiest to think we do need them. it's hard to pick yourself back up and be happy again...
jOnette xD: yeah its always hard because you easily get SO used with them because you loved the feeling u had when u were with them
jOnette xD: that you totally just forget what it was like without them in the first place.
rhib1234567890: YEAH. that's exactly it...
jOnette xD: andd its easy to forget that because u hated feeling so low in the first place
rhib1234567890: you're being very philosophical tonight, and everything you're saying is completely true, i just never really analyzed it before, you know?
jOnette xD: i love analyzing things like t his
rhib1234567890: i've not been my normal happy self at all lately. and i've just been thinking, oh, i'm really stressed.
jOnette xD: lol it helps talking about it.
jOnette xD: but in reality its not really just stress. maybe?
rhib1234567890: i do too, it's like, you can understand what's going on. and it definitely helps talking about it. thats why i love talking about stuff so much, lol.
rhib1234567890: i'm sure that's a contributor, i mean i have enough stess. but it's not just stress...
jOnette xD: yeah
jOnette xD: pretty much
rhib1234567890: jonette, i think we're both heartbroken. but not the normal kind, where it's sharp and you feel it. kind of a dull, empty feeling... a different kind of heartbreak... that's just the lack of someone having our hearts.
jOnette xD: pretty much D:
rhib1234567890: or they have them, but don't know what to do with them... won't take them... we're offering them and they're just not biting...
rhib1234567890: like that pon and zi cartoon.
jOnette xD: yeah
jOnette xD: >_<
jOnette xD: i feel like.
rhib1234567890: http://x0b.xanga.com/aeb167ea06530103941814/z27770834.jpg
jOnette xD: i keep going back to him no matter how bad it hurts.
rhib1234567890: this one.
rhib1234567890: because it's like... you don't know what else to do. because you want him to just make it all better...
jOnette xD: yeah and you cant imagine yourself liking anyone else but just that one person
rhib1234567890: exactly... it's like you're afraid to give up because you think that's the one thing that will make you happy... like you can't imagine your life without trying for that goal... you wouldn't know what to do with yourself...
rhib1234567890: the thought of trying to move on is too scary.
jOnette xD: and what i think is weird about me. is that... i still keep on loving him even when i dont think he loves me back as he did before. its just this weird pleasure.. masochistic?
jOnette xD: AND i feel like if i move on.. he decides to come back to me and it'll be too late
rhib1234567890: it's because it's so hard to change, like i said... it's habit? feelings are hard to change... not masochistic because you're not trying to hurt yourself. andyeah, there's always that fear. like what if i finally move on, but then end up COMPLETELY regretting it later?
jOnette xD: yeah so true
rhib1234567890: ugh, we're able to see it so painfully clear right now, but that's not going to change anything, really, is it?
jOnette xD: and no matter how much of a jerk he acted.. i STILL feel the same for him i STILL have those butterflies everytime i think about him. its not even funny.
rhib1234567890: oh god. i can DEFINITELY understand THAT.
jOnette xD: i guess. thats just how we feel..and like you said. it is hard to change
rhib1234567890: it really is, even in the best of circumstances.
rhib1234567890: and you have to WANT to change, but again, who would want to give up that hope... because then you're just left with you-dont-know-what. x-x
jOnette xD: yeah
jOnette xD: you dont want to give it up because you definitely had the time of your life in those moments that you had.
rhib1234567890: yessss. it's really so nice that you can completely empathize... cuz i've been here for however long being like, why am i so... not me latrely? you know? >>
jOnette xD: yeah.
jOnette xD: i mean i can easily tell the difference about myself from.. that day i was with him to today.
rhib1234567890: yeahhh.... it's so crazy... x-x
jOnette xD: and you wana know a secret? ... everytime i catch 11:11 i tell myself not to wish on him..but i still do it anyways
rhib1234567890: *hugs* i do too. ._. i know its a losing battle tho. i dont tell myself not to. i just hopelessly wish. x-x
jOnette xD: i tell myself not to just to help myself move on.. haha. its definitely not working thats for sure.
rhib1234567890: understandable... like you're trying... but you know its not working >> i havent even gotten to the point where i'm trying yet. .-.
jOnette xD: i know i've been trying for quite some time..
rhib1234567890: =/
jOnette xD: barely works.
jOnette xD: honestly he's the only guy i felt extremely comfortable with... and not benny..
rhib1234567890: well on a side note that certainly means you're a hundred percent over benny. but that doesnt make it easier to get over him... it's so much better when you're comfortable around him. most definitely.
jOnette xD: yeah pretty much. and hell, i know i did love benny at the time.
rhib1234567890: i know, i understand, but it's possible to fall out of love 8p especially when someone better that you're more comfortable with moves in.
jOnette xD: yeah.
rhib1234567890: even tho that feels like it's not working.
rhib1234567890: idk, maybe it's the romantice side of me hidden away way deep down that wants to make it work. like a romance novel with a happy ending, you know?
rhib1234567890: ugh, i'm pretty hopeless, aren't i?
jOnette xD: i'm hopeless. -.-
rhib1234567890: me too 8D
I can’t help it. I can’t help caring. I’m forced. I’m too weak to restrain myself from you. I can’t help looking for you in a crowd. I can’t help thinking of you in the middle of night, day, or anytime at all. I can’t help wishing that you would love me. I can’t help waiting until the moment we talk again. I can’t help wanting to be more than just friends. I can’t help the way I love you. Although...
………..Let’s get something straight here - I loved you. I loved you with everything I had in me, but it was never good enough for you. I was never good enough for you. I would have done anything to keep you by my side, but you pushed me away for so long that I gave up. I’m walking away from this and I can promise I’m never looking back. It’s going to hurt...
So, maybe I was wrong in thinking we were meant to be and that we were made for each other. Maybe we were never supposed to fall in love the way we did, hell, we probably shouldn’t have me at all. But I know this much, if we aren’t meant to be I can seem to come to terms of saying goodbye to you, and if we weren’t supposed to fall in love then it was the most beautiful mistake...
The worst isn’t when you are in love with someone who doesn’t love you back. The worst is when you are in love with someone who used to love you.
The worst isn’t when you are in love with someone who doesn’t love you back. The worst is when you are in love with someone who used to love you.
You know that place between sleep and awake - the...
(via justamisguidedghost)
I understand now.
justamisguidedghost:
I know that I’m always that girl. Never ‘the girl’, just that girl. The one that gets used, hurt, lied to, betrayed, confused. The one that boys go to when they need someone to hold on to. The one that’s never the girl, I’m always the second best. Never have I been the one to make boys fall weak at the knees, drop everything because they love me so much, want nothing more...
Myth No. 3: Women want to hear about your feelings
eugeneedelx3:
sarahcruz:
samssushibar:
Many women have said they want men who will open up about their feelings. So we welcomed the metrosexual trend, which was not only about men packing on the moisturizer but also about lowering the fortress on their sensitive sides. That’s fine and well, but don’t open your emotional floodgates just for the sake of it or if it’s not your style. When women...
T.G.I.F (Thank God I'm Filipino)
eugeneedelx3:
Reblog!(:
I know I should probably just let go, cause I know...
justamisguidedghost:
So I try to convince myself that it’s better off that way without him. But then I’ll think of him and remember his smile that makes me melt. And I can’t imagine myself with anyone else. And no matter how hard it will be, I want to be with him.
“At seventeen, you can be surprised by how much you learn about love, and how...”
– Nick Jonas. (via jonasmosaic) (via livingourlovesong)
I feel comfortable around you.
justamisguidedghost:
When I was with you, I didn’t have to be perfect. I didn’t even have to try for perfect. You already knew all my secrets. The things I kept hidden from everyone else. So I was able to finally just be myself. Which probably shouldn’t have been such a big deal. But it was.
The best feelings are those that have no words to...
I wonder if he reads these posts I post about him.
thelastpictureofus:
loveismydrug:
(via trangphamm)
